Enjoy (Telegraph, £). An extract:

“… how did Nicola miss the £124,550 Niesmann+Bischoff motorhome parked on her mother-in-law’s drive? Or the astonishing number of posh coffee machines (four) – among them a Miele CM6300 for £1,299 and a Jura Giga 5 Cromo costing £3,232 – almost one for every room in the Sturgeon-Murrells’ neat house in Uddingston, Glasgow.

The small back garden was tended by a Husqvarna robotic lawnmower – £3,070 including installation – when five minutes with a Flymo Hover Vac (£54.99) would do the job. Did the Sturgeon-Murrells harbour fantasies of living amid the rolling acres of Blenheim Palace?

A silver wine coaster for £3,500, a £2,495 jewellery box (for Nicola, surely?), an oak library ladder (£943) without a library and three Wüsthof manicure sets at £193.70 (were they planning to open a nail bar in case the politics thing came unstuck?). Most mysteriously, eight umbrellas for £1,990.50. Any thoughts?

“So, hen, what possessed you to buy the Beatles special edition 14-carat gold fountain pen and rollerball for £1,475? Didn’t you just spend £4,225 on a StarWalker World Time fountain pen and two Montblanc Bohème Noir fountain pens costing £1,407?” “

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