Subscribers to The Spectator will surely enjoy this. For those of you who don’t subscribe, herewith the end of Melissa Kite’s column:
My [Facebook] description [of her horse lorry] ran to over 100 words including every possible engine detail, all the dimensions, the weight laden and unladen, and how it was suitable for horses up to 16 hands.
‘Can I put my 16.2h horse in it?’ came the response of one girl. And then from another: ‘Will my 16.3 fit in this?’
‘The problem you’ve got,’ said the keeper, as we sat in my kitchen, me head in hands, my laptop pinging with superfluous Facebook notifications, ‘is that you are dealing with women.’
‘Stupid women!’ I cried.
Because, after all the questions, they were turning up and not even test-driving it. I popped the bonnet for one girl. ‘What are you doing?’ she said. ‘Showing you the engine,’ I said. ‘Oh, but I don’t want to see that.’ ‘But it’s got a new battery and spark plugs.’ ‘I’m not really interested to be honest,’ she said, fiddling with the radio.
‘Would you like me to turn the engine over?’ ‘Nah.’ ‘Can I show you the paperwork? I have the service history.’ There was no point, She was glazing over.
It suddenly occurred to me that in the time it takes me to sell this lorry, Gracie will be fully recovered from her tendon strain and jumping again. So what if it’s £75 a month to tax, insure and park. If I let it stand idle for six months and don’t try to sell it, that’s £450 not to have to deal with women asking pointless questions. Cheap at half the price.