Earlier today we posted a link to a piece by Jeannette Kupferman. Danuta Gruca-McGill responded with the following. We thank her for her permission to reproduce her text, and for her agreement that we use her real name.
Hi Mike,
What a powerful piece of writing and thinking by Jeannette Kupferman against feminism and the difficult world it has created for us all. It should be essential reading for all teenage girls.
It never ceases to amaze me that the Feminist Movement managed to brainwash such vast swathes of women to the degree that they go against and are in denial about their natural instincts to make Motherhood and Family their priority.
I’ve never been a lemming, I’ve always been very secure in myself and I don’t give a damn that I live differently to so many women today.
I have lived my life according to my own instincts and not pressured by “group think” and feel totally at peace as I’ve lived a life true to myself.
But then again I’ve been lucky and it’s been possible as I’ve been supported by a decent male who agrees in this lifestyle choice.
My husband is an only child, a product of a working mother, at a time when most women didn’t work.
She was obsessive, worked long hours, came home, my husband was shoved off to bed at the earliest opportunity so then she could spend the evening obsessively house working.
He was a latch key kid, spent summer holidays on his own, lonely, and said he didn’t want his kids to go through what he went through.
I feel none of this working mother guilt and stress as I know I’ve “done right” by the most important people in my world – my family.
The sad thing is there may be many women who desperately want to be at home with their children, but we’ve created a world where it is financially impossible for them to do so.
The harsh reality is so many women have to go out to work not through some feminist leaning but through sheer financial necessity.
Britain for decades has fallen in love with materialism and consumerism and that costs and has to be paid for. And the system we live in doesn’t want that to change.
Feminism tries to paint women such as I as tied to the kitchen sink and lacking in freedom, but I feel I’m the one who is truly free.
I can pick and choose what I do every day and in what order.
I can put in as many hours or as few hours in every day as I see fit.
I have total free rein in the most meaningful area of my life – as to everything that goes on in the home and the direction the family takes.
I don’t feel guilty that I don’t contribute financially as I accept that I contribute and am of value massively in a different way.
My work-centred husband would be doing exactly the same job whether I was working or not. And if you can live on one salary comfortably then why be greedy and put extra strain and stress on a family by the female being out at work as well.
Also I hear so many women having problems with pregnancies, childbirth and the menopause and I’m convinced it’s because they are so over stretched.
I’ve sailed through all of these and I’m convinced it’s because I’m so relaxed in myself as I’m living the life that women should really be living.
All the Best
Danuta Gruca-McGill
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Justice for Men & Boys 
What a nice lady.
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Looks like someone failed at feminism and is lashing out. Sad!
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Wynna, your comment doesn’t make sense.
You say I look like someone who has failed at feminism?
If you had read my post carefully you would have realised I have NEVER engaged in feminism, never lived a feminist lifestyle and my natural, female intuition and instinct lead me to have no interest whatsoever in trying feminism. I’m never guided by ‘group think’.
I don’t need the ‘sisterhood’ directing what I do with my life.
I’m always guided by my own intuition and instinct. I don’t fight my natural instinct I ‘go with it’.
So how can I have failed at something I’ve not even tried and have no intention of ever trying?
There is nothing sad about wholeheartedly putting your family first.
It’s far more emotionally meaningful as a female to serve your family than an employer.
No one on their deathbed wishes they had spent more time at work/in the office.
Perhaps Wynna you should try living a non feminist, Stay at Home Mum lifestyle. You’d see what you are missing.
It’s wholesome and immensely emotionally rewarding, it puts less strain on your marriage, your children and indeed yourself.
And please don’t make the mistake of thinking that I must be some simpleton who lives a boring life.
I’m educated to honours degree level, my home/family based lifestyle means I have time to read books, follow politics and current affairs, I have time for socialising and I have time for flexibility and spontaneity and time to just ‘think’. Indeed the ‘thinking and living in the moment bit’ is getting quite fashionable and recommended by trendy experts, something called Mindfulness!
But Wynna, you don’t have to listen to me, a non feminist. It would be far more interesting, eye opening, powerful and convincing for you to listen to the feminists themselves who are increasingly questioning and realising how damaging feminism can be to marriages, children and the real fulfilment of women themselves.
Feminism as far as I can see is all a big lie and a pretence; it’s not ‘ women having it all’, it’s ‘women doing it all’. Check out what feminists Jeannette Kupfermann and Rosie Boycott are now saying about Feminism.
Best wishes Danuta
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No thanks. You can do what you want and I will continue to do what I want and have been doing. Thanks to feminism I was able to pursue my dream. Thanks to my hard work I was able to attain it. We just have different dreams, that’s all.
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Wynna wrote:
‘Looks like someone failed at feminism and is lashing out. Sad!‘
Wynna wrote:
You can do what you want and I will continue to do what I want … ‘
Looks like Wynna’s lashing out. Sad! You’re coming across as a loser Wynna.
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She wrote the article. So really she is lashing out first. Sad!
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The attitude that all women must follow a paticular strategy and in paticular women who decide that they do not want to follow the career path have in some way failed is one of the many problems with feminism. Women should be able, and are able, to pursue careers and professional success. Women should not be made to feel failures or criticised if they choose not to.
We can focus on something we want to succeed in and need to do so to become mor ethan moderately successfull but it is intellectually dishonest to focus on that one thing and then bemoan that in other areas your success is only average or mediocre. Life is full of choices and we have to accept the consequences of the choices we make.
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That particular strategy is smart. Men aren’t loyal to you and why should they be? Don’t let yourself be a victim. Get a good job so you can support yourself. So you won’t be placed in a compromising situation. Plus those with an education are more likely to stay together than those without. I am a practical lass!
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“But Wynna, you don’t have to listen to me, a non feminist. It would be far more interesting, eye opening, powerful and convincing for you to listen to the feminists themselves who are increasingly questioning and realising how damaging feminism can be to marriages, children and the real fulfilment of women themselves.”
This is an example of how women who have adopted the feminist label do not actually understand feminism. One of feminism’s most clearly stated aims was to destroy marriage. Most feminists are dupes who have been fooled by a tiny percentage of ‘true’ feminists, like Wynna, who hate marriage.
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FYI. I have a career and I am married. I brought a full person into the relationship just as my spouse did.
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What a wonderful post.
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An interesting piece: women seem increasingly to be saying ‘back to the kitchen girls’ because they’re learning that life outside isn’t as easy as men make it seem. I couldn’t help thinking, while reading it, that women have lost twice from feminism; firstly in the way described and secondly because men are beginning to see what we lose by marriage and are turning against it. Women are learning that feminism is not the fantasy ultimate victory of sugar and spice and all things nice girl power over nasty, smelly, frogs and snails and puppy dogs’ tails boys; it’s the one time only and then never to be allowed again orgy of boundless self-indulgence of a spoiled brat let loose in a confectioner’s shop. Unfortunately, men are going to have to deal with the problems and clear up the mess.
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