Women’s financial abuse of their male partners

Our thanks to Pete for his email, it takes up the remainder of this post.

“Some interesting points in this.

The BBC article leads with the standard large picture of a female victim – with a video of her – and a somewhat smaller picture of a male victim further on, no video.

Mentions of both women and men as victims and perpetrators, a welcome improvement, but once again placed toward the end of the article like an afterthought, a tip of the hat to a barely relevent minority.

Good info on changes in law regarding coercive control, as well as partner controlling your finances or running up debts in your name, again toward the end of the article.

These last two points I think affect men in so many ways, especially as the joined debt effectively traps a man from any escape once he includes that debt in his potential outgoings if he were to leave.

In my experience compulsive spending is a major trait for many females, and marriage, followed by having a family, then cohabitation, seems to have traditionally created unlicensed abuse in this regard.

Think for men awareness of this abuse is a valuable tool in learning to identify and articulate the abuse they suffer.

If men were more comfortable to report these actions, and such abuses were included in the national figures, things would look very different indeed, statistically speaking.

This would go a long way to levelling the accepted one-sided views on domestic abuse that have become the norm in society.

Reluctance to report physical abuse amongst men will take some time to work through, but I suspect most men do not realise the financial abuse is even abuse, and I bet its a much higher rate.

Do the collective community think this is something to push as a priority when we talk about abused men?

Nothing frustrates a man more than getting those bills that have been hidden from you, just when you thought all that overtime, and sacrifices made to get ahead are about to pay off. Sound familiar?

Financial abuse is one more likely to start being reported by men, as it’s a non emotional compulsive illogical action, unlike physical, psychological, and coercive abuses.

Compulsive behaviour is damaging.

As a levelling point I am aware of instances where women suffered this abuse also, but once again, I must state in my experience abuse towards men is not yet taken seriously by society at large.

It seems to me that accepting abuse has evolved as a part of our role as men, in tandem with our natural sense to protect and provide. Our good nature has been taken advantage of for too long.

Would be interested if anyone could point to further enlightening articles on this matter.”

4 thoughts on “Women’s financial abuse of their male partners

  1. I took control of finances as my ex wife was incapable of (and uneducated) in budgeting. Over decades our family’s position improved and stabalised as we agreed weekly spending etc. My ex wife had no income or employment throughout this entire period. Didnt stop her lawyer formally claiming ” financial abuse ” , supported by Womens Aid , in divorce papers. Apparently, taking care of and protecting your own family from financial theft and abuse is Financial Abuse in itself. 1984 Doublethought?

  2. One consistent finding in the research is the fact that men regard the abuse they receive is “just something that happens” . This fatalism coupled with shame means that men a. Do not report abusive behaviours to anyone. b. Appear much less likely to have (or maybe report) psychological or emotional damage than women being abused in the exact same way.
    When the issue is raised (Coronation Street story or Mankind Video for example) the level of reporting from men (or often their new partner or a relative) rises.
    So I do think it important for any group interested in the welfare of men to continue to repeat easily understood messages about what is abusive, that this does happen to men and it is their right to report it. It is probably because of the decades of just such information being pushed at girls and women that helplines report a good proportion of the contacts or alerts come from women concerned about the abuse they see happening to men they care about.

  3. A point that has just occurred to me is that an action for debt against a financially irresponsible married woman also tarnishes the husband’s family name, if she has taken it. That’s surely another form of abuse?

    That aside, despite my best efforts over the past five and a half years, I rely entirely on my financially irresponsible wife for support and it is only by my ‘controlling behaviour’ that we have money in the bank and enough for food beyond the end of the first week of the month. Despite more than twenty years of good examples and subtle, and not at all subtle, instruction in financial management, she still cannot resist the urge to spend money frivolously, although she is better than she was.

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