Watching the England v Senegal match – 3:0 with 33 minutes to go – and the commentator simply had to remark that the uniformed woman running up and down the opposite touchline was the first woman to… I don’t know what, because I zoned out at that point. I recently adopted a policy of completing any sentence that includes the words, “the first woman to…” with the words:

… the first woman to stick a daffodil up her nose whilst singing, “I’m forever blowing bubbles”

You must do what you can to remain sane…

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