Our thanks to Nigel for this. He writes:

“There are a number of “take aways” from this story that show the problem intentionally and unintentionally. First of course identifies the crucial role of fathers. But of course doesn’t really address how fathers might be supported just assumes they somehow go…. Then when asking for men to be “mentors” they are inundated, men are ready to be mentors, coaches and so on, when asked. Of course it doesn’t ask why they generally aren’t asked and why there aren’t all those organisations for boys that used to exist that are now for girls too (YMCA, Scouts and so on). It raises the spectre of “Adolescence” despite that being a fictional drama. The boy wasn’t fatherless so its not even relevant to fatherlessness.

And the piece ends with a restatement of the idea of “man up”.

“Raphael says his message to children whose father figure has vanished is this: “You need to use it as your why. “Use that as your reason to push you further. Don’t use it as an excuse to not do things, use it a reason why you did things.”

Don’t get me wrong I’m all for the 50 men who showed up to be mentors. And I’m glad the two boys were helped by their mentors. Anything that helps boys is to be applauded. But to really address the problem of fatherlessness and directionless youth thinking they’re unwanted by their society requires a real change in society. Time and again the social attitudes survey shows people aspire to partner, form a family and live an ordinary life with retirement and grandchildren (and each time the Fawcett Soc. etc says women need “educating” out of these aspirations). But nothing in our society supports young men in these aspirations, in fact it very successfully puts them off the idea as “abuse” and “control” “domination” after all aspiring to be a “breadwinner” for a family is “misogyny”. In my youth there was talk of the importance of showing teenagers like me and my contemporaries at a vocational secondary modern school that there was a root to a decent job, being a “catch” to find a partner and understanding how that family would need you. There was talk of “buying into” society. This became more acute in the early 80s when mass unemployment broke the “buy in” for 100,000s. Having declared such things as patriarchal oppression it should be no surprise young men can’t see how their aspirations can be fulfilled. And one can see fatherlessness and Lack of direction is most widespread in our “sink estates”. Mentors can help but some really big changes have to happen to achieve Rupert Lowe’s laudable ambition.”

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