Our thanks to Reed for this:
“I am emailing you about online cyberbullying, cyberstalking, harassment, hate, and defamation groups such as “Are We Dating The Same Guy?” and other “Tea Groups.” Are We Dating The Same Guy is an international network of Facebook groups (and an app) that encourages possibly or definitely illegal behavior, such as doxxing-like behavior such as posting a photo of a man and his full name and making negative statements, accusations, or allegations and also often full doxxing, such as giving his street address, workplace, employer, or other information. As far as I am aware, users can post private messages, videos, or photos, or secret or sensitive facts or information, all without the consent of the person.
AWDTSG’s claimed purpose is to warn women about potentially problematic dating behaviors, and allow the poster to ask for information and opinions from others who might have dated the man, but AWDTSG is predominantly harassment, gossip, cyberbullying, and defamation in practice. Besides, even if a man did actually do something bad, it is highly unethical and a threat to his safety to post his name and photo on the forum and make allegations. The people on the site are not the “judge, jury, and executioner,” and doxxing and encouragement for vigilanteism is never acceptable even if a person has behaved poorly or has a criminal record. Even AWDTSG’s claimed purpose is illegal and unethical.
The group only allows members to enter it and allows only women, so the man cannot know that he is being talked about on the platform and possibly endangered (unless a female friend who uses the platform tells him about it, which is against the rules and can result in a ban). It also means he cannot defend himself on the platform. Furthermore, the man could be the victim of nasty and false claims from a person or “troll” who has not even met him. The group is also infiltrated with men who are sometimes trolls. Misinformation is rampant on the platform.
The crimes and offenses that AWDTSG commits, promotes, and encourages could amount to cyberbullying, cyberstalking, harassment, threats, libel, slander, defamation, invasion of privacy, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and tortious interference with a prospective advantage/contract in cases where a user gives the post to the man’s employer, demands termination, and the man is fired (these are at least the terms for the offenses in the US).
AWDTSG also is linked to multiple suicides and homicides.
I am firmly for women’s rights and safety, and the original purpose of AWDTSG was to allow women to date more safely. However, AWDTSG is ineffective and extremely harmful. There are much better ways for women to learn more about men they’re considering dating, dating, or in a relationship with, including doing their own research online, looking at and reading the man’s social media, looking at public records and criminal records online, asking people who know the man about him, asking her friends and other people she knows about the man, and asking friends and getting advice from them about a man she is currently dating, to name a few. “Are We Dating The Same Guy?” and other “Tea Groups” are not the solution.
I urge you to talk about AWDTSG.”
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