Coming to a cinema near you. The plastic surgery on my face was a complete success. In the photograph I inadvertently came close to answering the old question, “What’s worn under a Scotsman’s kilt?”, the answer to which is, of course, “Nothing, laddie, it’s all in perfect working order!!”

I married the ill-fated woman who thus became my second wife, wearing the same kilt that you see in the photograph. I later bought a black one. It seemed more appropriate, somehow.

Yesterday I was speaking to a French friend of the female persuasion, who is single. I told her my motto in life is, “No wife, happy life!” She laughed and replied, “No husband, a good life!” which, pleasingly, rhymes in French, as I pointed out to her – Pas de mari, une bonne vie!!!

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